


A Shoulder to Cry On

by Ramix



Category: Closers (Video Game)
Genre: And the real shit: Emotional Intimacy, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, FULLY EXPLICIT HANDHOLDING VERY NSFW, Fluff, Just Girl ThingsTM, Mistaking Romance for Cold Symptoms, Past Abuse, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28119120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramix/pseuds/Ramix
Summary: In the cold dark of the External Dimension, a Closer and her administrator comfort each other.-----Ch. 2 "Caught the Bug":Mirae's come down with a mysterious illness. Luckily, Special Agent Misook Chang is on the case.-----Ch. 3 "Reaper"Mirae mourns the loss of a loved one, yet again.
Relationships: Mirae/Soohyun Min (Closers)
Kudos: 3





	1. A Shoulder to Cry On

**Author's Note:**

> Hey it's ya boi back at it again writing fanfic for an obscure fandom and a ship that's not even that popular in that obscure fandom. Not satisfied with just Code Vein's Louis/Cruz, I had to go even further beyond into obscure self-indulgent shipping fic that like two people will ever read. I was very into Closers a while ago, and I recently got back into it due to the server migration (RIP Enmasse). I decided to play through the new character Mirae's story for the event rewards, and while my expectations were low, I was instantly blown away, and her storyline quickly became one of my favorites, if not the favorite, and her relationship with Soohyun just makes me melt. 
> 
> It's gotten to the point that I've actually started putting their names into Google Translate and trying to look up content for them, and I still haven't had any luck. I think this might actually be the first piece of fanfiction for this ship in existence which is simultaneously empowering and depressing. I don't expect this piece to get much attention, if any, but I hope whoever reads this enjoys it.

Soohyun Min leans against one of the various rock faces jutting out of the ground in the Purification Ops Center. It’s strange to think how less than a month ago he was studying up on UNION operating guidelines and trying to fill out his resume to apply as an intern, and now here he is, in the External Dimension, working alongside _the_ Alpha Queen. And all because he went out on a crazy, stupid, near-suicidal trip into a garbage heap of an island in search of his missing sister.

And the craziest thing about it all, is that the legendary Jisu Seo isn't even the most significant meeting he’s had since he arrived on and escaped from that hellish island.

Mirae steps out through the portal, looking a little worse for wear, but much better compared to her previous expeditions against the Contaminated Phase Force. At first, the fights against the Contaminated Dimensional Monsters took a huge toll on her, and it had taken the combined efforts of himself _and_ Suji Jeo to get her to take a break and recover. But over time, as she'd grown more accustomed to fighting against the beasts, and as he'd developed strategies for her to use against them, the Purification Ops had become much easier. The Alpha Queen herself had mentioned several times how unusually adept Mirae had become at facing off against the creatures in such a short span of time.

She takes a seat next to him on the floor, setting her scythe down beneath her legs as she brings her knees up to her chest, and he greets her with a warm smile.

"Great job! You beat your previous record that time," he informs her, reviewing the data on the mission he'd been recording on his tablet.

Mirae's lips quirk up into a small, proud smile at his praise. "How long did it take me this time?" 

"Only two minutes and thirty-two seconds, a huge improvement over last time. I think you're really getting the hang of fighting against Yod," he tells her. 

The Dimensional Monster known as "Yod" had been Mirae's biggest hurdle when she'd first started participating in the Purification Ops. The creature's intense power and it's odd, unpredictable attacks made it a very difficult match for Mirae's more direct fighting style, and she'd even been forced to retreat during her first fight against it, but now she could handle it almost as easily as the rest of the contaminated creatures. Mirae's growth never ceased to amaze Soohyun. Despite never having to face any real challenges until just recently, she'd acclimated quickly to the life of a Closer, and was growing stronger with each passing day. Even if she wasn't _officially_ a Closer yet, he had no doubt that Inspector Celine would pass along her approval soon enough. UNION would have to be crazy to pass up a chance to have someone as amazing as Mirae in the fight against the Dimensional Monsters. He only hopes he could climb the ranks as quickly… the thought of someone else being assigned as her administrator while he's still an intern just doesn't sit right with him. 

"It's all thanks to you, Soohyun."

He's broken out of his thoughts by the sound of her praise, and it catches him off-guard.

"H-huh? What do you mean?"

She smiles at him, resting her head on her knees as she gazes up at him. “It’s thanks to your advice that I was able to get this far. You helped me against the Island Lord, against Syrphid, and against all of the enemies here, too. You’re really incredible.”  
  
He has to clear his throat and look away before he can answer her, and _wow_ he _really_ hopes his face isn’t as red as it feels right now.

“Soohyun? Are you okay? Your face is really red, are you feeling sick?” she asks, sitting up as she reaches a hand out towards him in concern. 

“A-ah! Yes, yes, I’m fine! No need to worry! J-just nerves, that’s all,” he says, waving her off in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture, but really only serves to make her worry even _more._

She pouts with a huff as she puffs her cheeks out. “...You’re a bad liar, Soohyun.”

He chuckles nervously. “Ah, sorry. It’s just that… well, you’re the one who’s incredible. You’ve only started seriously learning how to use your Phase Force very recently. Back when we met on that island you fought like a novice, and now you’ve already gotten stronger than some Closers with years of experience,” he says, staring off at the strange darkness of the external dimension. “I really mean it, Mirae. You’re extraordinary. You probably don't realize it because you don't have any context for how strong you are, but you should be proud of yourself. I’m sure you’ll become a great Closer soon. Who knows? Maybe one day people will talk about you the way they talk about the Alpha Queen!”  
  
Now it’s her turn to blush at his praise, and he feels a hint of pride at the fact that he’s managed to at least turn the tables somewhat. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long as she quickly manages to turn things back around on him.  
  
“Maybe. But you’re just as extraordinary, Soohyun," she says, with a smile that warms his heart, in spite of how cold it is out here in the Purification Ops Center.

"Ah, well, it's not like what I do is _that_ special," he responds, clearing his throat nervously as he tries to meet her gaze, which is a lot harder than it should be right now. "I'm just training to be an administrator. Anyone else in my position could do what I did, really."

She shakes her head. "No, I don't think so. Back on the island, I never thought about how to fight, I just did what came naturally to me. I didn't consider things like strategies, or traps, or defense, like I do now. But you taught me those things, even after we'd only just met. I think that's pretty incredible, too. And…" 

Soohyun stiffens as he feels Mirae rest her head on his shoulder.

"You told me… that a Closer and administrator are like family, right? They cry on each other's shoulders and help each other, right?"

He nods. "Yeah, that's right. If a Closer's job is to save people, then it's the administrator's job to save their Closers." 

She smiles. "That's special, too. Talking with you… feels like being with Haneul. I feel safe, like I can tell you anything. If that's an administrator's job, then you're really good at it. So… be more proud of yourself." 

Mirae hesitates for a moment. _"I wouldn't want anyone else as my administrator"_ she whispers. 

Soohyun feels his chest swell with pride and joy, as a feeling of comfort and warmth courses his through his body. "Thank you Mirae," he says. "I feel the same way. I wouldn't want to work on a team without you, either." 

He doesn't say, _" I wouldn't want anyone else to be your administrator."_

But he thinks it.

The two of them stay in silence for a while, not moving from their spot. With the latest Purification finished, they have plenty of time to rest, so he's confident they won't be disturbed. At least not unless Suji Jeo comes over to find them and ruins the mood. She'd probably throw a fit if she found them in a position like this. 

Soohyun breaks out of his trance when he hears a strange noise coming from Mirae. One that sounds like a mix between a grunt of effort, and a pained whimper.

"Mirae? Are you okay?" 

She nods against his shoulder, still not having moved from her spot as she buries her face against him. "Mhm…" 

He purses his lips, before asking again. "Are you sure? Is something the matter?"

She's quiet for a few moments. "...You said that a Closer cries on their administrator's shoulder, right? Can I cry on yours?" 

"Well, I wasn't really being literal, but if you want, sure." 

"I'm… trying to cry," Mirae says.

"Oh…" the realization dawns on him. "That's right… you told me before that you had trouble crying, right?" 

"When my brothers and sisters died… when the kids from the island, when Ara died… even when Haneul died… I still couldn't cry," she mutters, burying her face deeper against the fabric of his shirt. _"Is there something wrong with me?"_ she whispers, so quiet he's not even sure if he was meant to hear it.

"No. No, there's _nothing_ wrong with you, Mirae," he says immediately. Soohyun raises a hand, and begins running it through her long white hair in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. He feels her posture relax against him, so it seems to work, and that's all the motivation he needs to keep doing it. 

"What you're feeling is perfectly normal. There are a lot of cases like yours," he tells her.

"Really?" she asks, a tinge of hope in her voice.

"Yeah. A lot of victims of trauma like you have to numb themselves to the pain in order to cope. In a case like yours, it's perfectly normal not to cry. If you could… you might not be able to stop," he tells her, his voice soft.

"Then… it's okay for me not to cry?" 

"Yeah, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you, Mirae, you've just been hurt. A lot. It's like an illness, it just needs to be treated," he says, still running his fingers through her hair. 

God. This girl doesn't belong out here. She shouldn't be fighting monsters and risking her life after everything she's been through. She should be in therapy, recovering from the horrendous amount of suffering she's been forced to endure. She should be going to school, like a normal girl, she should be enjoying all of the things she never got to experience. She should be _healing._

Maybe he should get in contact with his brother, and try to see if he can pull some strings, but…

No. She wouldn't want that, even if he offered it. He knows that. But still…

Soohyun's never been the type to be jealous of Phase Users. Sure, every kid who grew up in Busan wanted to be the Alpha Knight, but by the time he was old enough to know he didn't have Phase Force, he was already mature enough to accept that. Instead, he decided to throw himself into his studies, aiming to become an administrator and help in his own way. But now…

He wishes he could be the one with Phase Force, so that he could rip apart the people who did this to her.

He wonders when and why he started having such violent thoughts, and the conclusion he reaches worries him.

"Soohyun?" 

Her voice snaps him back to reality. "Yes?"

"You said that this feeling is an illness… does that mean there's medicine for it?" she asks, with a twinge of hope, tilting her head up ever so slightly with those puppy dog eyes of hers.

He smiles at her, and nods. "Yeah. There are medicines that can help you, but like on the island, they won’t cure you by themselves, they’ll just help you manage it. What you need is to speak with a doctor who’s trained to treat that kind of thing,” he explains.

“...Can you help me?”

“Well… I’m not a licensed professional or anything. But if you ever need to talk, I’ll be here for you,” he says. “As your… administrator.”  
  
Mirae smiles as she closes her eyes and nuzzles up against him. “Thank you…” she whispers. “That’s good… there's no one I trust more." 

A moment later, she slumps down and falls on his lap, and he goes stiff as a board.

"M-mirae?" He squeaks out. 

Upon closer examination, he sees that she's merely fallen asleep. It seems the fight with Yod wore her out more than she'd let on. It's probably for the best that she gets some rest.

However, this leaves Soohyun with a conundrum. He could try to move her and leave her to sleep someplace else… but that would involve waking her. Alternatively, he could just let her rest where she is… which would involve staying in this rather awkward position. Not only are his legs starting to fall asleep, but there's a very distinct possibility that Suji will _actually_ murder him if she sees them like this. 

It'd probably be best for everyone involved if he just wakes her up and leads her over to the resting area, but…

Oh man, he's got it _bad._

With a sigh of resignation, Soohyun closes his eyes and leans his head back against the cold hard stone he's resting on. He decides it's best if he tries to get some sleep, and soon enough, it finds him.

When the two of them wake up a few hours later, his legs are very, _very_ sore, Suji Jeo is very, _very_ mad, and it was very, _very_ worth it.


	2. Caught the Bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirae's come down with a mysterious illness. Luckily, Special Agent Misook Chang is on the case.

Mirae wiped away at the blade of her scythe as she walked back towards the Nampo-Dong square. The dimensional monsters she’d been facing in Busan were much tougher than the enemies she’d faced in the past; the Merman types in particular were irritatingly durable. She huffed in frustration as she remembered how her scythe had gotten stuck in one of them as she’d tried to cleave it in two; the monster had grabbed onto her weapon to hold her in place while it’s allies attacked her. If she hadn’t remembered Soohyun’s advice about leaving behind a shadow to teleport to in case of emergencies, she might have died then and there. As it were, she’d managed to slip away and then strike back, clearing out the Mermen that were infesting the bridge, at least for the time being. Unfortunately, fighting against the Mermen-type dimensional monsters came with another downside: as they tended to attack using water, fighting them typically left Mirae completely soaked. 

After the first couple times she returned to the hub covered in water, Suji Jeo had subjected her to nearly an hour-long scolding about taking better care of the outfit  _ she  _ had made for her. Mirae learned to be more careful when fighting those enemies on the bridge after that.

Unfortunately, she'd let her guard down this time and had paid for it with a thorough soaking, which meant she was now sulking on her way back to the town square, as she absentmindedly ran a hand through her dripping wet hair while she walked, a nervous habit that she'd picked up recently after Soohyun did it for her once. Mirae scanned the area for any sign of Suji Jeo, fortunately, she saw nothing as she made her way towards- 

"Ah, Mirae! There you are." 

Mirae let out a yelp of surprise and turned around prepared for another scolding, only to sigh in relief as she saw Soohyun. 

"You scared me…" she said with a pout.

Soohyun laughed nervously. "Ah, sorry about that…" 

Mirae sighed. "Have you seen Suji?" she asked, looking back and forth for any sign of her best friend.

"Ah, no, she was off discussing business with Ms. Pam," he told her. "You… might want to get cleaned up before she gets here. You know how she gets," he advised, with a good natured smile. 

"Yeah, that's the plan… this might take a while, though," she said looking down at her soaked clothing.

Soohyun let out another nervous chuckle as he looked away, pointedly refusing to meet her gaze. "Ah, y-yeah," he said, face red. "Oh! Uh, Mirae, you've got a little something on, uh…" He gestured towards his forehead.

Mirae tilted her head. "Huh?"

"I mean, on your hair you've got this…" 

Mirae looked up and ran her hands through her hair, trying to get out whatever Soohyun was talking about. “Did I get it?”   
  
Soohyun hesitated for a moment. “Ah, no, hang on a second, let me just…” he reached hand out towards her and ran it across her bangs, flicking away some strange slimy substance that had gotten caught in them, his fingertips brushing against her skin as he did.

**_Ba-dum_ **

Mirae felt her heart start to pound in her chest, and her face began to heat up. 

Meanwhile, Soohyun just wiped away the slime he’d cleaned out of her hair on his pant leg. "Got it, I think some of the remains from the monsters must've gotten in your hair without you noticing," he said, before giving her a look of concern. "Huh? Mirae, are you okay?" 

Mirae shook her head, running her hands through her hair again. "I'm… not sure, I feel strange…" she confessed, unsure how to describe what she was going through.

"Here, let me check your temperature," Soohyun said, placing a hand to her forehead.

**_BA-DUM BA-DUM BA-DUMBA-DUMBA-DUMBA-DUMBA-DUMBA-DUM_ **

Mirae's heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest it was beating so hard, and her face felt like it was on  _ fire.  _ At the same time, she had goosebumps on the back of her neck and her spine felt like someone had poured ice on it. 

Soohyun pulled his hand away, wiping off some of the water from his palm before looking at her worriedly. "Your temperature feels really high, you might have a fever," he told her, voice tinged with concern.

"Do… do you think I might have gotten sick from the Island Lord's poison?" she asked, warily. Her Phase Force should have protected her from something like this, but she had also been affected far more strongly than she expected while fighting against Abaddon, so maybe this was a sign that the monster was growing stronger.

Soohyun shook his head, however. "No… I don't think so. I think you would have shown signs of that earlier if that were the case, but…" he looked her up and down. "Being soaked in cold water without drying off can be bad for you. It's possible you might have gotten a cold from fighting those Mermen," he explained. 

Mirae huffed in frustration. She  _ really  _ hated those things. "How bad is that?" 

Soohyun frowned. "Well, it's not as bad as the effects of Abaddon's poison, but it can be pretty debilitating, and you should probably avoid over-exerting yourself while you're sick." 

"Do you think Carol might have medicine that could help me?" 

"Ah, right! Good thinking!" Soohyun said, smiling at her. "You should probably go speak with her, she'll be able to diagnose you properly and prescribe you any medicine you might need. I'll go speak with Inspector Celine and let her know you might be sick, so we can start planning for what to do, alright?" 

She nodded, slowly. "Right. Thanks Soohyun." 

Mirae turned around to walk over towards Carol's medical center, only to be stopped by the feeling of Soohyun's hand in hers.

"Mirae," he said, gently. "Don't overdo it. If it turns out you're sick, let us know, and follow Ms. Carol's advice. I don't want to see you get hurt because you pushed yourself too hard, okay?" 

**_BADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUMBADUM-_ **

Mirae's breath hitched in her throat and she nodded frantically. "Yeah, I think you're right. I'm really not feeling well, I'm going to go find Ms. Carol," she said, before pulling her hand away from his and rushing off to the medical center. 

The tent that had been placed at the edge of the square served as a sort of makeshift hospital for their team. With the plague being spread by Abaddon, most of the hospitals in Busan were already filled up with citizens that had yet to be evacuated, but Carol had been volunteering her services and equipment to help take care of some of the citizens herself, as well as tending to their wounds whenever any of the Closers were injured in battle. However, she seemed to be absent at the moment.   


Mirae searched the medical tent, and found it curiously empty, letting out a huff of frustration. Though, strangely enough, she was already starting to feel a lot better than she did a few moments ago…

“Oh, hey kid. Looking for something?” came the voice of Agent Misook Chang from behind her as she walked into the tent.   
  
“Ah, hello Misook. Have you seen Carol anywhere?” she asked.   
  
“The nurse? She got a call from one of the local hospitals and went over to help with some emergency, why?” Misook asked, looking up and down at the soaked-to-the-bone young lady. “It looks to me like you need a hairdryer more than a nurse right now,” she teased with a grin.

Mirae pouted. “I was fighting on the bridge and…” she trailed off.   
  
“Ah, I gotcha. The Mermen, right? Yeah those assholes are a huge pain to clean up after, do you have a change of clothes?" 

She nodded. "Yeah, but I left it on the Reverse Wheel." 

"Well what are you hanging around here for?" Misook asked, scolding her like a concerned older sister. "Go change your clothes and take a shower before you catch a cold."

“But that’s why I’m here…”    
  
“Eh?”   
  
“I came here looking for Ms. Carol, because I was feeling sick, and Soohyun said it might be a cold from all the water,” she explained, raising her soggy sleeves as a demonstration.   
  
“Ohhh, I get it,” Misook said, nodding in understanding. “Are you sure you’re sick though? You seem alright to me,” she said, reaching out to check Mirae’s temperature. “Yeah, it doesn’t feel like you have a fever, either.”   
  
Mirae shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah… I feel fine now, but when I was talking with Soohyun earlier I felt really strange, I’m not sure why…”   
  
It took Special Agent Misook Chang approximately five seconds to process what she had just heard, and upon doing so, a lightbulb went off in her head, and a massive grin appeared on her face. 

“Saaaaayyyy, why don’t you tell me a bit more about your symptoms. I’m no nurse but maybe I can help out?” she suggested.   


Mirae was a bit skeptical, but saw no harm in accepting her senior’s help. “Well… my heart was beating really fast, and really hard…"

Misook nodded. "Uh-huh, what else?"

"Well…" Mirae scratched at her cheek. "My face felt  _ really  _ hot, and when Soohyun checked my temperature he said I was burning up."

"Yep, yep, sounds about right. Anything else?"

Mirae ran her hands through her hair as she tried to recall how she was feeling just a moment ago. "Well, I had goosebumps on the back of my neck, and I felt a chill down my spine,” she continued. 

“Go on, go on.”   
  
Mirae furrowed her brow, her hands still running through her hair as she thought harder. “Well… it was hard to breathe for a bit. But that was only near the end, right after he grabbed my hand.”

“Ahhh, yep. That sounds familiar, alright,” Misook said, closing her eyes with a nostalgic sigh.   
  
Mirae tilted her head, blinking with curiosity. “Familiar..? Have you been sick like this before?”

"Oh yeah, I got it  _ bad  _ around five years ago, but don’t worry, I can give you a hand!” 

“So you know how to cure it?” Mirae asked, perking up.   
  
“Nope!”   
  
Mirae deflated. “Huh?”   
  
“Yeah, sorry kiddo, but it’s terminal. There’s no cure, you’re just gonna have to live with it,” she said, blunt as a stone.

Mirae’s breath caught in her throat, and her hands ran through her hair at maximum speed. “There’s no cure? So what am I supposed to do?”   
  
“I told you,” Misook answered nonchalantly. “You’re just gonna have to live with it. Don’t worry though, it’s not so bad, really! And there are ways of dealing with the symptoms.”   
  
“But… what is it?”   
  
“It’s love!”

“.....” Mirae stared blankly.   
  
“.....” Misook smiled brightly.   
  
“I’m going to go find Ms. Carol,” Mirae said, turning around to walk out of the medical tent.   
  
“Wait wait wait! Hang on don’t leave!” Misook said urgently, as she pulled her back inside. 

Mirae huffed in annoyance. "Don't make fun of me…"

"Aww, but I'm not making fun of you!" Misook said. "I'm serious, honest!" 

Mirae shifted uncomfortably. "You think I'm in love with Soohyun?" she asked, disbelief coloring her voice.

"Well,  _ duh _ . I mean, I'm in love too, and what you just described sounds a lot like love to me," Misook answered, slapping her on the back just a bit too hard.

Mirae opened her mouth to deny it. But no sound came out. The more she thought about it, the more her symptoms seemed to flare up. A comfortable warmth spread across her face, a chill ran down her spine, her heart felt like it was about to burst from her chest, and her stomach felt like it was doing acrobatics.

And strangely, she found that she didn't mind it very much at all.

Mirae stared down at the ground, pursing her lips. "Then… what do I do now?" she asked quietly.

"Well, have you ever liked a boy before?" Misook asked.

"Well, yes, a couple times when I was younger, but…" she paused. "This feels… different." 

_ Very _ different.

Misook nodded wisely, a self-satisfied grin plastered on her face. "Oh yeah, you're feeling it alright. I gotta say, you could do a lot worse! Little Soomin's quite the catch! I mean, he's not nearly as good as my Don, but no one's perfect. Except for him," she paused for a moment to sigh dreamily. 

"...What was I talking about again?"

"You were going to help me?" Mirae said, tapping her foot with a frown.

"Oh, right! Not to worry kid, Agent Chang is on the case!" she proclaimed, wrapping an arm around Mirae's shoulder and ruffling her hair. "You'll see! With my help you'll have little Soomin wrapped around your finger in  _ no _ time!" 

Mirae blinked nervously, pulling away from Misook’s grip. “...Is that good?”   
  
“Wow, we’ve got a  _ lot  _ of work to do.”   
  
Mirae pursed her lips, hanging her head before whispering: “...Thank you.”   
  
“Awww, don’t worry about it!” Misook said, patting Mirae on the shoulder as she ushered the younger girl out of the medical tent. “Us beautiful ladies have got to stick together, after all!”    
  
“Now, the first thing we need to do is get you a shower and a change of clothes, otherwise you really  _ are _ going to catch a cold,” said the older agent. “Ooooh, but letting you get sick and having him take care of you might not be such a bad idea…”

Mirae frowned, but didn’t respond to Misook’s suggestion. 

_ “...Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?” _   
  
As the pair left the scene, an onlooker stepped out from the shadows, and pulled out a communication device to relay what had just occurred to her employer.   
  
“Master, I have an update on the ‘Heir’ situation.”   
  
Sooho Min responded from the other side of the line. “Hm? Have you found a good match for Soohyun?”   
  
Aotsuki Aoi hummed thoughtfully before responding. “...Perhaps. It seems Agent Chang has found a match for him, and is trying to get them together.”   
  
“Misook?” came Mayor Min’s incredulous response. “Do you think we can trust her with this?” 

“...Yes, at least for the time being. I think she’s found a good match for the Young Master. In fact, it might be a good idea to cooperate with her on this,” she suggested.   
  
“Very well then, Ao, I leave my younger brother’s future in the capable hands of you and Misook.”   
  
A short distance away, a chill ran down Soohyun Min’s spine.   
  
_ “...Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?” _   



	3. Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirae mourns the loss of a loved one, yet again.

Mirae sits slumped against a wall, staring at nothing. Her eyes are blank and empty. Her hands grip the shaft of her scythe so hard that her fingers feel numb, but she doesn't even notice. She tries to cry, she wants to cry, she _should_ cry, but she can’t. Through her mind runs one singular thought, endlessly repeating itself:

_Suji Jeo is dead. She's dead and it's all your fault. Again._

It happened again. Just like with Haneul. Just like with the kids in her group. Just like with Ara. Just like with everyone she's ever loved. Suji is _dead_. They've all left her, stuck in the past, and Mirae is trapped in the cold, dark future without them. Just like she's always been. Just like she always will be.

“ _A messenger is one who works on behalf of others, right? So make a request for me to defeat the Island Lord, to smash the box that once locked you up.”  
  
“...Wow. You’re really bringing up the logic of a messenger now? Fine, what do you want in exchange then?”  
  
“I want… your safety. To see you healthy again. This is what I want in exchange. Could you do that for me?”_

It was her responsibility. She was supposed to stop Abaddon, to kill it, to save Busan while Suji went to save herself. She was stronger, she'd grown, she'd changed. She had friends now, she wasn't trapped on that island anymore, she was going to be a Closer, she was _strong_ , she could finally, _finally_ , save someone with her powers instead of cursing them as she watched helplessly while everyone she loved died around her.

And it **still** wasn't enough.

And now, here she is again, grieving. Mourning the loss of someone she loved, _again_. Cursing herself, _again_. Wishing she could've been the one to die, _again_.

She thought she could stop feeling this way. She'd learned back at Castle Wildhuter the value of her life, and yet here she is, once again wishing for death. She knows it’s wrong, she knows she’s throwing away what she'd learned from her friends. She knows she'd be disappointing Soo-

_Oh god._

She thinks back to a dream, a faint recollection of a faded memory. Suji and Soohyun standing side-by-side with her, somewhere they shouldn’t be, she hears a voice telling her:

_“Hmm. This is quite impressive. Did you value your relationship with those two that much?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, this is unexpected. I guess you really cherish the ‘you’ who grew from the relationship with them… you seem to think you’re your true self when around those two people.”_

_“I don’t know exactly why you’re saying that but… I get the gist of it. Those two are precious to me.”_

_“I see. So, the Closer Mirae could not come into being without Suji Jeo and Soohyun.”_

She knows it’s true. Suji and Soohyun are precious to her, more precious than her own life, maybe even more than Haneul had been. And now Suji is gone- _dead_ , because of her. So if she stays here then… _then..._

Mirae scrambles to her feet, holding the Requiem close to her chest. Her breath comes out in short, labored gasps, her eyes are wide, and her thoughts race uncontrollably as a pounding headache reverberates through her skull. How many more of her loved ones will she have to lose? Who will die next because of her? Will it be Inspector Celine? Ms. Carol? The smuggler, Pan? Kim Cheolsu? _Soohyun?_

“I have to get out of here," Mirae mutters to herself, as her feet begin carrying her off in some other direction. She doesn’t know where she’s going, she doesn’t care, she just needs to _not be here anymore_.

She has to leave. She has to get away from her friends before she gets them all kil-

“Mirae? Where are you going?”

_No._

She freezes in place. This can’t be happening, not _now_. She has to run, she has to get out of here, she has to _leave._

But her feet stay rooted in place.

“Mirae…” Soohyun says, reaching a hand out towards her. “You should get some rest. Let’s go back to-”  
  
“ _Don’t touch me!”_ she snaps, whirling around to swat his hand away, though she doesn’t _dare_ look him in the eye as she does.

He recoils, as if she’d struck him with her scythe rather than slapped his hand. “M-Mirae?! What’s-”

She continues to back away from him, raising her scythe up in front of her like a shield. “Stay away from me…” she mutters, her eyes still fixed firmly on the ground. “Just… just stay away.”

_It’s for your own good._

Soohyun sucks in a breath, and raises his hands defensively. “Okay, okay,” he says, backing away from her. “Look, I’ll leave if that’s what you want, but you need to go rest, alright? You’ve had a long day and-”

“ _Stop it!”_ she yells, taking another step back. “Just stop! _Leave_!”

 _Please, please just stay away from me._  
  
"Mirae?" Soohyun flinches away from her, like a pup about to be struck, but before he can say anything else the sound of an alarm can be heard.

Soohyun’s head jerks in the direction of the Phase Inflection alarm in the plaza. He opens his mouth to say something, but by the time he turns back, Mirae is nowhere to be seen. He stays there, alone, and his hand comes up to clutch his chest.

Mirae runs across the streets of Busan as fast as her feet will take her. Her mind doesn’t bother to acknowledge things like civilians, or dead ends, or even a destination. The only thing Mirae understands in this moment is that the longer she stays near her loved ones, the more certain they are to die.

So she has to leave, no matter how much it hurts.

She stops after several minutes spent running through the streets, leaping across buildings, and teleporting past dead-ends, finally taking a moment to catch her breath.

The image of Soohyun flinching away from her repeats itself endlessly in her mind's eye. The way he looked at her… like he was _afraid_ of her. Had he ever looked at her like that before?

Yes, she recalls. Once. Back when they first met on the island, when he thought she would kill him on orders from the Island Lo- from _Woochi_.

Her uncomfortable churning forms in her stomach and her chest tightens painfully, she grits her teeth so hard it hurts and clenches her fists until she can feel her nails break skin.

"Stop it. _Stop it._ "

She shakes her head to try and clear the image from her mind, but it's fruitless. Even as she raises her hands to her hair and pulls on it so hard that it threatens to tear, the pain in her scalp fails to dispel the images seared into her mind's eye.

Is this what she's been reduced to? Is she just Woochi's lapdog? Doing his bidding without even realizing it? Leading her loved ones to their deaths without him having to lift a finger? Is that why Soohyun looked at her with such scared eyes?

 _Good_ , says a cold, bitter part of herself. _They should be afraid of you. Everything around you is doomed to die. Better they be scared of you than dead because of you._

She lets out a whimper of resignation as she falls to her knees, head hung low.

That's right. She has to leave. She has to-

On instinct, she raises her head and summons her shadow a few feet away, instantly switching places with it. The fist aimed at her skull hits solid concrete instead, and a moment later her shadow explodes, tearing the dimensional monster apart.

It's only then that Mirae comes to her senses and realizes where she is: Gwangan Bridge, the site of her battle with Abbadon. The site of her failure…

Yet again, the bridge is _infested_ with Merman-type dimensional monsters, who've surrounded her while she was lost in her thoughts. The creatures growl and hiss at her threateningly.

Mirae grips the shaft of her Requiem, her lips downturning into a tight scowl.

_If only you hadn't been there…_

If these monsters hadn't gotten in her way back then… maybe she could have chased Abbadon down sooner. Maybe she could have killed it. Maybe she could have _saved Suji._

One of the Mermen makes the first move, pouncing on her as water surrounds it like a suit of armor, but she leaps into the air and avoids the attack, only to come crashing back down. She spins like a saw blade as she descends, her shadow wrapping around her as the blade of her scythe pierces the creature's shoulder. It lets out an angry roar and tries to flail at her, while one of its allies tries to attack her from behind.

Mirae whirls around and throws the first Merman at the other, tossing it away like a ragdoll and sending them both stumbling back. Before either one can recover, Mirae's already crossed the distance in a single dash, her blade piercing through both of the monsters. She rips the blade out, and kicks off of them, backflipping away before they have a chance to retaliate, and a moment later, her shadow rises and slices both of them in half.

It's been less than a minute, and she's already killed three of the monsters. The remaining Mermen are wary of her now, _afraid_ , as she raises her head to glare at them.

They should be.

Rather than lining up to die by attacking her one at a time, the dimensional monsters pounce on her all at once, from every angle, trying to overwhelm her.

It just spares her the trouble of hunting them down.

Mirae raises her scythe as her shadow begins to coalesce around her, the light of her Phase Force glows like the sunset, and soon after she unleashes all of her power in a furious flurry of attacks, whirling her scythe around her in a mad dance of blades and shadows.

" _Die._ "

As she swings the weapon around her body, her shadow shoots out to tear the creatures apart like a blender, ripping them to pieces as their remains fall to the ground, the sounds of her blades cutting through the air harmonize with their death cries to form a morbid lullaby for their final rest.

The bridge is still _crawling_ with the creatures, their roars piercing the night sky as they wreak havoc and rampage across the bridge. Mirae's grip on her scythe tightens. She has a lot of work to do, it seems.

Another stray Merman spots her and begins flying towards her, swimming through the air on a current of water formed by its own Phase Force. The monster can already imagine itself catching its prey and tearing it apart. It has no idea what fate awaits it.

With a cry, Mirae raises her leg up into the air, and then stomps her foot down on the ground. A growth of dark thorns shoots up from the floor, impaling the Merman and leaving it trapped in a mass of black shadows.

Mirae looks the creature in the face. It may not be human, but she can still read certain tells.

"Does it hurt?" she asks.

The creature squirms and writhes within its dark prison, roaring out in both anger and pain as it tries to break free. Its hand reaches out to her in a gesture that could be either a threat of death or a plea for mercy.

That's answer enough for her.

" _Good._ "

Mirae snaps her fingers, and the thorns of her shadow spread apart, tearing the helpless creature into pieces. The creature's blood rains down on her, staining her hair and clothing.

She doesn't bother to wipe it off.

Mirae stands there, bathed in blood and pale moonlight, as the dimensional monsters roar out in anger at the loss of their comrade. Some of them take it as a warning, turning tail and fleeing.

It won't do them any good.

Mirae raises her hand and snaps her fingers, calling her shadows to rise up from the ground once again, but this is no mere thornbed. A veritable forest of darkness engulfs the bridge, enveloping the monsters, the floor, the water, and even the gentle rays of the moon's light. Everything is trapped within the curtain of shadows, only Mirae can move freely.

"Die."

She runs like a silent reaper through the darkness, her scythe cutting cleanly through the helpless Mermen. If everything around her is doomed to die, then it's time for these monsters to understand what that means.

She can't protect anything, any- _one_. She knows that now. All she can do is kill.

So that's what she'll do.

_"Die."_

She runs across the bridge, cutting through everything in her path. She'll kill them. She'll kill them _all._ Not just these monsters, but all of them. All of these creatures who wreak havoc on the world and prey upon weak children like the ones who lived on the island, she'll make them understand how it feels to be weak.

_"Die. Die!"_

But these creatures aren't the only monsters. Woochi, a human, is more of a monster than any of these creatures could ever be. She'll kill him, too. She'll make him pay for what he's done.

_"Die! Die! Die!"_

But he didn't do it alone. The Order… an entire organization of human monsters, just like Woochi. She'll hunt them all down. And if Soohyun's theory turns out to be true… if there are people within UNION helping The Order…

Then she'll kill them, too. She'll kill anyone who tries to stop her.

_"Die! Die! Die! Die! DIE!"_

Haneul, Ara, Suji… the world was never kind to them, it was never kind to _her_. So she won't be kind to the world any longer. She'll become their revenger, reaping the souls of everyone who ever made her loved ones suffer- who made _her_ suffer. She'll kill them _all._

Even…

_Even-_

Her shadows fall apart, as an unearthly roar pierces the night, the pulses of a powerful Phase Force rippling through the air. Only one dimensional monster remains, a larger, dark-blue Merman type with blades protruding from its arms. She vaguely recalls the code name she heard from Soohyun: Guillotine Elbow.

She's fought others like this in the past, she knows their kind is stronger than the other Mermen, but it makes no difference to her. It'll die like all the rest.

The creature draws back, summoning a flood of water towards itself before shooting forward like a bullet through the air. The water spirals around the creature as it spins like a drill racing towards her. Mirae remembers the strategy Soohyun gave her for dealing with these enemies: summon her shadow as a decoy, avoid their attacks, and then go on the offensive while they're recovering before retreating again and repeating the process. It's a simple plan that's served her well many times before.

But…

No, there's no need for such things. She'll break through and kill this one just like the others. Mirae draws her scythe back and rushes forward, spinning like a dancer through the air as her shadows envelop her. Once she's stopped its attack, she'll summon a horde of her shadows to attack the creature from every direction, whittling it down piece by piece before finishing it off herself with one final slash.

None of that happens.

Instead, the Phase Force-generated water breaks through her shadow as the creature crashes into her, and starts to dig into her flesh like a drill.

Mirae's entire world is pain as she goes flying through the air, hitting the cold concrete floor and bouncing off of it like a rock being skipped across a lake, before she finally crashes to a halt against an abandoned car, the roof torn apart from the impact as she lays in a heap.

Mirae's body refuses to move, and every attempt to convince it otherwise results in pain shooting through her entire being. The simple act of breathing feels like an impossible challenge. As Mirae lets out a wet cough, an unknown taste assaults her tongue, and she realizes distantly that it's her own blood, now intermingling on her clothes with the blood of the aliens she'd killed.

As the Guillotine Elbow draws closer to her, swooping in to finish off its prey, Mirae turns her head frantically to search for her weapon. Her scythe lies discarded on the floor a few feet away from her, too far for her to reach in this state, but…

With tremendous effort, Mirae stretches out her hand and calls out a tendril of shadow to wrap around the scythe and call it to her. If she can just get her weapon, she can still fight this monster before it kills-

_Why am I struggling?_

The thought occurs to her, and her eyes widen in shock as her shadow disappears, the scythe clattering to the floor uselessly.

That's right. This is what she wants to happen. What _needs_ to happen. If she wants to stay away from her friends, then the best thing she can do for them is die.

The Guillotine Elbow raises its arm, the blade living up to its namesake as it prepares to seal her fate.

Mirae closes her eyes, at peace with the end.

 _It's strange…_ She thinks. _When Kurma was going to kill me, I was afraid. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to protect my friends, but this feels different._

_Haneul, Ara, Suji, everyone… I'll see you soon._

_Soohyun…_

_I'm sorry._

Mirae braces herself for the killing blow.

It never comes.

Confused, Mirae opens her eyes, and though the Merman's face isn't human, she can still read certain tells, especially when it's only inches away. The monster seems just as confused as she is, but it can't bring down its arm to kill her because its arm is now missing from its socket. The limb in question is in the hands of the woman standing behind it.

"Hey," says Special Agent Misook Chang, before beating the monster to death with its own severed arm.

When the creature lies dead, Misook tosses the arm away before stomping over to Mirae and gingerly picking her up to inspect her wounds.

"Idiot!" she scolds. "What were you thinking, running off on your own like that without telling anyone?! If Little Soomin hadn't told us you left you'd be dead right now!"

Mirae just hangs her head and purses her lips. She says nothing.

Misook sighs, before picking up Mirae's discarded scythe and slinging her over her shoulder. "Alright, just hang on," she grumbles. "This'll be a bumpy ride, but we have to get you to Carol, quick."

The trip back to the plaza goes by quickly, though Misook is still careful not to agitate her wounds on the way back. Ms. Carol also gives her an earful as she treats her wounds. Mirae stays silent as the grave the whole time.

By the end of it, Mirae is laying on a makeshift bed with her wounds wrapped in bandages, her body stitches itself back together with the help of recovery ampoules and her own Phase Force, though not quickly enough for her liking.

She bites her lip hard enough to draw blood as she stares up at the ceiling of the medical tent. How pathetic. She tried to run away from her friends, to protect them, to avenge them, and all she did was almost get herself killed while someone else had to come and save her, yet again.

Mirae grunts in pain as she forces herself to sit up, her legs hanging off the edge of the bed. She's useless, she can't protect anyone. It'll be better for everyone if she just leaves.

"What were you thinking?!"

But at the sound of that voice, her body stays rooted in place.

"Were you trying to get yourself killed again?!" Soohyun yells, his face flushed as he storms into the medical tent.

Mirae doesn't answer him, she doesn't even raise her head to look at him. She forces herself to her feet, and begins trying to walk away, only for Soohyun to block her path.

"I thought you learned this back at Castle Wildhuter! You told Jisu Black, and Inspector Celine, and all of us that you’d live, that you’d fight to survive! You told me I wouldn't have to worry anymore!"

"Move…" she mutters.

He doesn't hear her.

"I can't believe you would do something so reckless!" he yells. "Did you even stop to think about how I- how _we'd_ feel!”

The next words out of his mouth feel like a bucket of cold water being thrown in her face. “Do you think _Suji_ would have wanted this?!"

Mirae's heart stops in her chest, her breath catches in her throat.

Evidently, it shows on her face, because a moment later Soohyun's eyes widen to the size of saucers and he deflates, raising a hand out towards her before letting it fall and covering his face. "Oh my god. Mirae, I'm so sorry, I lost my temper, and I just…" He sighs. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, that was cruel of me."

" _Not you…"_ she whispers.

"Huh?" Soohyun asks, looking down at her in confusion, his bout of regret momentarily forgotten.

Mirae reaches her hands out towards him. She intends to push him away and move past him, but instead she grips the fabric of his shirt.

"Everyone… everyone I love dies. Haneul, Ara, Suji… they're all dead because of me. Not you too," she says, her heart feeling like it's about to split in half. "Please, _please_ , not you, Soohyun. I can’t lose you. I can’t. So that's why, I have to leave, you have to-"

He reaches forward and pulls her into his arms, she lets out a gasp, and her heart starts beating a mile-a-minute.

"Mirae, listen to me," he says, his voice determined and resolute. "What happened to them wasn't your fault. None of it was. It was Woochi's fault, and _only_ his fault. Understand?"

Mirae whimpers. "But I-"

" _No buts!_ " he cuts her off. "You're a victim, Mirae, just as much as Suji and the others. I won't sit here and let you blame yourself, and I _won't_ leave you alone. I promise."

"But… why?" Mirae asks, looking into his eyes for the first time since he arrived.

"Because I-"

Soohyun sighs, and leans forward to whisper in her ear, running a hand through her hair.

"Because I'm your administrator."

Mirae lets out a shaky breath, then, as her grip on his shirt tightens, she buries her head in his chest and _screams_. She screams, and screams, and screams, until her voice goes hoarse. She can't cry, so this is all she can do for now.

And all the while, Soohyun just holds onto her, running a hand through her hair and promising her everything is going to be okay.

"I still can't cry… why can't I cry?" she asks, as she tightens her grip on his shirt like it's her lifeline.

Soohyun's embrace around her tightens slightly, and he continues to run a hand through her hair. "It’s okay, Mirae, you don’t need to cry just yet. When you cry for the first time, don't cry because of grief. Make them tears of joy."

"...Do you think I can do that?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you can."

Mirae hesitates for a moment. "Then… when I cry for the first time… will you be there for me?"

Soohyun smiles. "Yes, of course. I promise."

"...Thank you." Her voice is so soft it could barely be called a whisper.

Soohyun leads her back to the medical bed and helps her lay down. "Now, get some rest, okay?"

Mirae nods silently closing her eyes as she rests her head on the pillow. "I will…"

Soohyun smiles warmly at her, and turns around to leave the medical tent, only to stop when he feels her hand grip onto his like a vice.

"...Stay?" she pleads softly. With the way she looks at him, there's no way he could refuse.

He smiles at her as he pulls up a chair. "Yeah, I'll stay right here. Don't worry," he says as he sits down, holding her hand in his, running a thumb across her knuckles.

Mirae graces him with a smile, the first one to cross her face since Suji's death, and sleep finds her soon after as the exhaustion of the day finally catches up with her.

Soohyun stands to his feet and picks up a blanket, draping it over her as she breathes softly, her hand not leaving his even once all the while.

He brings her hand up to his face and softly presses his lips against it. "Sweet dreams, Mirae."


End file.
